May 13, 2008
Dear Mom, Please Find Me a Wife.
Matchmaking is a rather common practice in the past - at least among Singapore Muslims. And it certainly is not the same as modern day matchmaking.
In the past, parents choose a husband or a wife for their children when they think it’s about time their kids get married. Once a potential partner is found, the two male and female simply either agree or disagree. There’s hardly any ‘trial’ sessions - (read: no dating sessions).
Today however, matchmaking is popularly done by commercial organizations. And I find this amusing because we actually have to pay to be matchmaked even though there is the hgh possibility of being mismatched. Another diffrence between traditional matchmaking (by parents) and modern matchmaking (paid services) is that the candidates get to spend time with each other for as long as they like. Heck, they can go on being ‘potential life partners’ for decades without actually getting married for real.
In any case, it seems to me that most people today are reluctant to be matchmaked by their parents. And I think the main reason for this is ego. Yes, it’s plain and simple, people simply do not want their parents to matchmake because they they want to find their life partner on their own. This stems out from the mentality that if a person has to be matchmaked, then that person is probably a loser that no one wants to fall in love with. Definitely not good for the self-esteem (many would probably disagree with me - well, who wants to admit they are egoistic anyway?).
Being egoistic is actually not problematic for most people, but it certainly is problematic for practicing Muslims. The problem starts when (practicing) Muslim Singaporeans adhere to the strict Islamic conduct of “dating is impermissible.” When they restrict themselves to such a conduct while at the same time refuse to be matchmaked, they have effectively closed all avenues to find themselves a life partner. And when this happens, they get sort of mildly frustrated and annoyed. They want to get married because marriage is a highly encouraged act - a Sunnah. However, they seem they cannot do this for reasons that are not apparent to them.
In contrast to Muslim Singaporeans, I have come to know two Muslim men from South Asia, in their early 30’s, who are waiting for their marriage day. Their wife to be? Their mothers’ choice. And to them, my congratulations.
